HEAD-SCRATCHERS
Head-Scratchers is where I write about stuff that made me literally scratch my head in confusion (most probably scenes in movies or TV-shows). I then procede to explain why the particular event made no sense to me and try to fix it...if it can be fixed.
As I revisit X-Men: Days of Future Past, I realize why I was scratching my head every time something "significant" happened. I mean, we can ALL agree the whole movie was a jacked-up-continuity antidote. The director fixed literally EVERYTHING. He even fixed mistakes that he made in the movie itself, which is hilarious to me because it shows that all along the dude(s? There were different directors for each X-Men movie, right?) didn't even care since they knew, like, NOTHING mattered. "Oop, you changed TIME man! SHOOT. We can remake these mistakes now, though, which is nice."
They...never even LOOKED for my body, did they? Wow...thank goodness Kitty Pryde can control...Kitty Pryde can control time?! And I still have to wear these dumb shades? JEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAN!!!!!!
As I was saying (off-track is what I do best. Which isn't a good thing.), head-scratchers. Gotta love 'em. They keep the balance in this world where people like to tell stories. They help you figure stuff out, fix things at the roots (the freakin' space-time continuum doesn't count), and make things clear. Whenever I watch an X-Movie, I scratch my head. They make 'em like that, I do NOT know how. Since this one involved TIME, though, and since I LIKED this movie, it feels kinda good to...well, scratch that itch off.
Event: Kitty Pryde can control time.
Scratch Timer: 0.0000000000000000001 seconds ASE (After Scene Ended).
Imma get this one out of the way because I'm sure everyone caught this one: Kitty Pryde's "send your mind through time" powers. Y'know what? After I found out that was what they were going for, I didn't even care. X-Movies just can't help it. They can't. Something has to be thrown in there that makes less sense than Olympic Balls (I swear it's a thing. A sport. But air-hockey? Naaaaaah). According to them, you belong in a mental institution if you'd even considered casting a mutant who can control time. Heck, you'd be execution-worthy if you'd considered addressing Kitty's new powers! We can't go that far, guys! It doesn't work!
Logic?! In MY kingdom?! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!
I'm not even kidding. The movie didn't even address her knew powers. This is not nit-pick, by the way. As a part of the audience, don't tell me "duh she can do that". As far as I'm concerned, she can't!!! A new character, with a new back-ground and power set, can have that privilege. You can throw him in there. WE DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS.
Who was this kid? Yeah, THIS is the only pic I could find of him...you coulda used him! He was looking for Xavier's! "Hi, I'm a mutant who can control time. Let me help you!" Sorry, kid, Kitty Pryde's got that covered. "B-but I can walk through walls, too!" She can do that, too. "Really? I just made that up!" I know, right? MUTANTS, bro. Mutants.
But Kitty Pryde? The girl who can walk through walls? Yeah, we know her. Oh, you changed her? Cool! How? When? WHY?! I'D LOVE TO KNOW! All the characters had to do was say "Your new power really comes in handy these days, Kitty. Aren't we glad you went through puberty TWICE," and be done with it! Would that have cost more? Did you not feel like it or something? Gosh, even a deleted scene woulda been nice, 'cause at least we'd know you tried!
Event: How Sentinels in the future were made/what happened in the future.
Scratch Timer: 2-3 minutes ASE.
Okay, so the story's not so bad. I mean, we kidnapped Mystique and used her mutant shapeshifting abilities to make Sentinels that can adapt to any situation. Somehow. Then we took over the world in a buncha years. Okay. Wait. WHAT?! This is a continuity cookie, by the way, and since they snapped the time-line's spine and gave it a new one, this doesn't really count. But I still scratched my head the same. I mean, this was back in the 70s or something, right? And Mystique was FINE and with MAGNETO in X-es 1, 2, and 3 (saying 3 makes my head hurt), which is YEARS later. So either of two things must have happened. One, Boliver Trask straight up let her go, which doesn't make sense because he doesn't actually like mutants (really? huh), or two, she flat out escaped. Either way, these highly likely events lead to the same conclusion: she goes back to the Brotherhood. You expect me to believe she doesn't tell Magnus what they did to/with her the second she got back?
"Oh, yeah, I just remembered. They, like, did some stuff with my stuff to make robots that can, like, totally kill, like, all of us. We should probably, like, do somethin' about that, huh? My bad."
And for those of you who are saying "what if they wiped her memory?", it's not like Eric is stupid. He knows they did something, and it didn't take him decades to figure that out.
Basically, the X-Men's outrageous attempt to make all of that future-stuff never happen is about as useless as Olympic Balls (not letting it gooooooo) after that fact. Magneto would've gone to the factory and wrecked the crap out of everything like the boss he is, and the future would be all nice and mutant-y (yeah, how does he know where the factory is, right? Shut up, it's not impossible, okay? Geez, explain stuff to yourself for once...I'm sorry, that was mean). After I heard that explanation, I literally sat through the whole movie thinking "Dude, NONE of this is happening right now".
Event: Sentinels.
Scratch Timer: Just now (Months ASE).
Holy crap, were the Sentinels not made of metal in the future? I mean, the whole seventies part of the movie is about Magneto using his awesome-juice (that came out wrong. That did, too) to control the Sentinels. Anyway, getting to that in a sec.
Event: Future X-Men final battle.
Scratch Timer: 1 second after Bishop says "We can't stop that many."
They're so strong. Yes, it's a movie, there has to be development and tragedy and "messages", and yes, the fight was pretty freakin' cool (that Blink/Colossus fast-ball TOTALLY owns Wolvie's), but as a die-hard-core X-Men fan, I know the ins and outs of ALL of their powers, and I know that they are way too strong to have lost that fight. Storm ALONE could have stopped those Sentinels if she wanted to, especially grown-up future Storm who is most probably an expert at, you know, controlling weather. She makes a mini hurricane before the Sentinel drop-ships are even close to their base. If that wasn't enough, she could've gone with a lightning storm, a horde of ginormous tornadoes, pretty much any disaster you can imagine. Yet for some reason she wasted precious time supercharging an X-Jet to explode and flinging it in the middle of the enemy armada.
This is Storm...
...and this is you ("Uh, guys?"). "Adapt to this."
And this is one mutant, out of a team of, what, five or six? All of whom were trained by "mutants-vs-robots" tactical genius Charles Xavier. These guys train in simulations of situations like this all the time. At some point, I began to notice that Blink was opening her portals EVERYWHERE. Make them run into each other, already! Or, y'know, more fast-ball specials. Those are cool.
And don't even get me started on Bishop. I don't know what it is with giving black people in X-Men movies incredible powers and then killing them in the dumbest possible ways, but they went too far this time. You know what, scratch that, they went too far LAST time. Remember Darwin from First Class? He had the ability to adapt to any possible situation, yet when Shaw went all "adapt to this" (the irony) and pushed a ball of kinetic energy into Darwin's mouth, he died. I mean, he straight up exploded.
Go home, powers. You're drunk.
Don't tell me what can't happen to a character and then loophole it. That's kind of annoying. You'd think they woulda learned their lesson, but nope, they did it again. Bishop (a black guy. Weird, huh?) has the ability to absorb and release any and all forms of energy. Key word release. So when Sentinels begin to fire beams of energy at Bishop and he, I don't know, absorbs too much and explodes or something without attempting to release any of it and instead screams like a little girl and dies, immediate head-scratcher. What is it with blowing up bruthas who genetically can't blow up?
Event: Magneto's death (did I...actually...write...those words...?).
Scratch Timer: 0.00000000000000000000000001 seconds ASE.
what. what? What? WHAT?! He got...st-st-st-abbed by a peice...of m-m-m-FREAKIN' METAL?!?!?!?!? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE IMPOSSIBLE IMPOSSIBLE IMPOSSIBLE! YOU DON'T...KILL...THE MASTER OF MAGNETISM WITH MMMMMMMEEEEEEETTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLL!
Okay. Whew. Okay. I'm sorry. It's just...he's the man. In fact, that didn't even kill him. I was over dramatizing. But man, did it slow him down. He was like...sitting there...hurt...by a piece of metal.
"What if the piece of metal was SENTINEL metal? Huh?!"
If you said this...oh my GOD if you said this...close the window. Colse. The window. Don't read my blog ever again. Don't think about my blog ever again. Don't think. You need to go home, wash your mouth out with soap, cry yourself to sleep, and disappear from the face of the Earth. Seriously. Why are you still reading my inuslts? GET. LOST.
For those of you with BRAINS, I don't even have to tell you that he was stopping shrapnel from the X-Jet/Bad-Guy-Fleet explosion with his powers, which means either he can control Sentinel metal (and if so, why isn't he on the front lines?) or he can't. If the latter is the case, this means ONE piece of Sentinel "metal" slapped air resistance in the face, flew, from meters away, without hitting a single piece of normal metal, and planted itself in his chest. You know what else this concludes, though? Even if there is "Sentinel metal" that he can't control, he was controlling something. Something like the pieces of metal that belonged to the Sentinel drop-ships.
(The following words are being typed by a clone, whom sits quietly in the corner and is pre-programmed to have no opinions on the matter at hand. In the event that the original author writes something that causes him to rage on unfathomable levels, this clone will step in and finish the blog post based on a pre-written conclusion created for exactly this matter.).
Basically, Magneto could've stopped those drop-ships before they even rounded the corner, whether he can manipulate Sentinels or not. Conclusively, the X-Men did not lose this fight.
The movie was very cool, though. I just had to get that out of my system.
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