Never Watch Trailer 2

  Movie lovers! How you been? Seen any new movie trailers yet? Really? Awesome! I love movies too. Don't get confused, by the way, this isn't a "Second edition" post or anything. When I say trailer 2, I mean the SECOND trailer.

  Are we on the same page? Good.

  Now, let me ask you something. You, not me, 'cause I already know. What's a trailer? Some Sherlock wannbe would probably say "a large vehicle that is commonly used as a mobile transport". Yeah, well, I aint talking about THAT kind of trailer, I'm talking about a movie trailer. What is that? Obviously, movie lovers, a movie trailer is simply a preview. It is a not-over-two-minutes-long video short portraying a sneak-peek into a movie that hasn't been released. Of course, unless you're me, you don't watch a movie trailer AFTER the movie's come out. I'm kind of a freak, deal with it. If a new movie comes out, and you wanna know what it's going to be about, and you don't feel like reading (obviously, you don't have a problem reading), you watch the trailer to find out. Is the main character a man or a woman? A boy or a girl? A cat or a talking cat? Will it be animated or live action? Will it be action or, Allah help us, drama? 

  Sometimes you get a movie trailer. Flashback. The main character. A drifting car. The slow-motion-jump-out-of-a-glass-window cliche. The dude with the awesomely deep voice in the background. The one character in the movie that understands what the butt is going on. The screaming of a person's name ("Johnyyyyyyyyyyy!!"). The guns of the movie. And then the title. Thus, the movie trailer.

  Now, what's the problem? I'll tell you.

  If you think about it, the trailer is, um, you know, FULL of SPOILERS. 

  Of course, as usual, I'm 'exaggerating'. Yeah, well, shut up and listen. You want to watch the movie. You want to see it. You want to go to the theater, or buy the DVD, or pirate the movie and watch it. But you can't watch the movie without...knowing what it is. So you have to watch the trailer. There's no other freakin' way. What is a person to do? Just flip a coin and watch it? That's dangerous. It could end up being a drama. Or a reboot of Spiderman. So you have to watch the trailer. It's informational. 

  But the problem is the dudes who make, listen to this, TWO trailers. Okay, so no big deal. It's still another TRAILER, right? So it's probably the same. NO!! You're wrong! And that's sad! The second trailer is modified! 

  Trailer 2 is always filled to the BRIM with spoilers. Major spoilers? No, not exactly. See, trailer 2, sometimes called the extended trailer, shows added clips that weren't in the trailer. It sometimes lasts longer, gives out more information, and even sometimes explains what someone said in the trailer that nobody could understand.

  But isn't that the point? Isn't the point of a trailer to show enough for you to want to watch the movie, while still keeping some major points un-revealed? If a company releases a trailer, people watch it. The people who watch it get a feeling and a small idea of what might be in the movie. But you don't freakin' show us the whole movie in two minutes! That ruins the whole effect of a trailer, which is meant to keep you guessing. A good 'trailer 1' keeps the whole story in check, doesn't reveal too much, and has all of the fans hopping up and down in anticipation. I guess all of that hopping is why they release another trailer, just to show a little bit more. Well, NO! That's called giving in. The fans don't wanna wait? That's their problem. You're making the movie, so you give out a trailer that tells you what it's about. Then, when it's finished, you show the movie. THE TRAILER IS A SPARK-PLUG. It is a fuse. It lights the fire and activates the sticks of dynamite that are the fans. Trailer 2 is just extra gas, extra flame. You don't  keep stabbing and shooting an animal that you just killed. By the time you get home, you've already ripped the animal to shreds, and you're original goal which was a good meal is completely fizzled out and ruined. That is what trailer 2 is. It gives out info just above too much. Trailer 1 is the shot that kills the animal. Now you have a meal, which is you're movie. Trailer 2 is the mistake of ripping the dead animal apart, and you end up starving 'cause the original amount of food is gone. If you release a trailer after you've already released one, and all you do is add more stuff that you were gonna save for people to see in the actual movie, the morons who watch trailer 2 are gonna be all mad and stuff because now they don't really need to see a movie that they really wanted too.

  My message comes in two parts: One to the geniuses who release a 2nd trailer, and another to the sad impatient movie freaks that watch the 2nd trailer. Geniuses, stop. Don't do that. Don't break what is already broken. And freaks, be smart. If the geniuses fail at doing their jobs to release one trailer only, make it your job to not delve into a horrible mistake. Never watch trailer 2, my brothers and sisters. NEVER. 

  Don't make two trailers, and don't watch the second trailer if someone decides to say "Hey, I know! Guys, I have an idea! How about we make another trailer, but instead just add more stuff! You know, like stuff everybody wanted to see when the movie came out! No, no, they're not spoilers! Guys? Guys?!?! Fine, I'M gonna do it!"

  Oh, and if you want me to flash out some examples or whatever, you're so depressingly wrong. You want examples? Well, if you're gonna pretend this never happened to you (One trailer shows something that you believe could've waited to be seen on screen), go to any movie with 2 trailers and tell me I'm wrong.

  Until next we meet.