WTForce: Curse of the Jedi - Episode II

SPOILER ALERT

The Clone Wars

  To see Episode I, click here.

  Quick recap, though. If you agree that immortality sucks in the long run (the really long run), then we concluded that Jedi who fail at Jedi life are doomed to roam the galaxy as intangible ghosts forever as punishment for their sins. Darth Vaderkin deserves this, and according to, well, me, so do Jedi idols Obi-Wan Kenobi and Master Yoda.

  You heard that right (well, read that right, but whatever).

  See, this is where I get a little...treacherous. I love Star Wars, and I can't stress that enough, but watching the prequels (eeegghh) and the Clone Wars (Star Wars done RIGHT) changes your perception of the supposed "peace keepers". Basically, for the longest time, I've come to accept that the overall actions of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda are the main reasons behind anything that ever went wrong in the Star Wars universe, and that they absolutely, without a doubt, deserve eternal punishment.

Dun-dun-daaaaaaaaaaaa

  

  Hear me out, hear me out! Look, lemme rephrase myself. I'm not saying that Obi-Wan wasn't a hero. I mean, when you look between the lines, he did a lot of commendable stuff. He saved a lotta lives, and put down a lotta baddies. Yet, at the end of the day, when it came to the freaking Chosen One (Skywalker, Anakin), he made the wrong choices, on purpose, EVERY SINGLE TIME.

  There are too many signs, but I'll name off a few so you can see where I'm going with this. First and foremost, we all know the Jedi Council is stupid. It's just stupid. The heads of the Council all unanimously agreed that Anakin was too old to take in as a Padawan (Yoda...). They all sensed something wrong with him (Yoda...). They all sensed potential danger in teaching this particular, y'know, Chosen One, the ways of the Force (Yoda...). Qui-Gon Jinn (is that how you spell his name? I don't care; I know I should, but I don't) convinces the Council to allow him the opportunity to train the, y'know, Chosen One, and they all go, "whatever, we don't really care what happens. As long as nobody dies, of course."

WHOOPS

  Well, yeah, that happened. Qui-Gon straight-up went and got himself murdered (by the coolest light-saber wielding dude in ever), but instead of putting the, y'know, Chosen One's training and upbringing in capable hands (Yoda...), Obi-Wan flaps his yap and decides to train him. A Padawan. Whose Master just died. Asked for, and given, the responsibility of training the, y'know, Chosen One (Yoda...). Does that sound like a good idea to you? Maybe they bonded. Maybe Anakin "learned more" from Obi-Wan as a "friend" and a "brother". Maybe Obi-Gon had enough Qui-Wan...I mean Obi-Wan had enough Qui-Gon mojo in him that the Council said, "Hey, why not? As long as nobody dies, of course."

  Yeah, well, I'm sorry to say EVERYBODY DIES.

  You had ONE JOB. O-N-E J-O-B. Teach the kid some morals. Teach him our ways. Teach him to follow the Jedi Code. AND MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T GROW UP A PSYCHOPATHIC, DISOBEYING DELINQUENT THAT KILLS EVERYONE.

  Everywhere you look (watch) in the Clone Wars, you have "Anakin, don't do this", and "Anakin, stop, don't do that." Obi-Wan says "This isn't the Jedi way,", and Anakin turns around and does it. 

  There's a certain arc in the Clone Wars when Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka Tano crashland on planet Mortis, which has a very strong connection to the Force. There, they meet three individuals: a family of Forcewielders in the forms of a Father, Daughter, and Son (the latter of the two can turn into bat-griffon things and block light-sabers with their bare hands. Watch this show). The Son is pure evil (Darkside) and the Daughter is peace, love, and light (Lightside), and they are both tamed by their Father. Basically, if they are left to their...whatever, the balance of the galaxy will be off and blah blah blah. Unfortunately, Papa Forcewielder doesn't have much time left, and he proves to Anakin that he was meant to take his place and keep the balance. Y'know, the Chosen One. This is what Anakin was meant to do, born to do. Destiny or not, his job, his duty, is to selflessly remain on Mortis and keep these two tamed in order to prevent the galaxy from falling into ruin.

  BIG SURPRISE. He leaves. And Obi-Wan lets him! He actively supports Anakin's decision to let the galaxy FALL INTO RUIN.

  Let's not forget that he flat-out lies to Luke about his entire life and basically commits suicide. Let's not forget about that.

  And if that's not enough to earn eternal punishment, then this next shocker definitely is:

I TOTALLY don't know that you're married, bro. 

  Anyone who tells themselves that Obi-Wan, or anyone on the Jedi Council for that matter (Yoda...), didn't know that the, y'know, Chosen One was MARRIED and was breaking one of the BIGGEST JEDI LAWS is kidding themselves. His marriage is destroying his perception of how the Jedi Order works. The same Order, mind you, that is devoted to keeping the galaxy at peace. One of the most important individuals in the galaxy has mixed feelings about the rules that keep the peace. Swell. 

  

  And they knew! Especially Obi-Wan! The signs were everywhere! They joke about it in the Clone Wars! LAUGH about it! It's just so obvious! He (Anakin) will do the dumbest things IMAGINABLE in the name of "love", and the Jedi, Obi-Wan specifically, act like he's still "learning from his honest mistakes". He's married, dipstick! Do something! Stop him! Punish him! Train him, prepare him, warn him, he's the FREAKING, y'know, CHOSEN ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jedi Poodoo!

  By the way, how many (Yoda...)s did you count? That's my way of telling you that, in those specific situations, Yoda could've easily prevented all the really bad stuff from happening. He's the most powerful Forcewielder in the galaxy, he can see the future, sense evil, and, ultimately, should've been the Council's first choice when deciding who should train the, y'know, Chosen One. There's no way he didn't know about the crap Anakin was getting into and the direction that crap was leading to. Heck, he probably knew about Sidious.  But even if you look past the terrible, unforgivable way in which he handled the, y'know, Chosen One's upbringing, there is still one crucial piece of evidence that puts Yoda in the "doomed for eternity" category (along with the two aforementioned Star Wars idols I just crushed).

  This guy has the power to lift up, take down, and bring down military grade spacecraft. Obviously, your first choice for the front lines in any battle during the Clone Wars. Yes, I know, "Jedi are peacekeepers, not warriors", but come on, really? You have swords that can cut through anything and unlimited telekinesis at your disposal. Wouldn't you rather help end the terrible war that's raging across the galaxy? Wouldn't you rather get rid of the intergalactic terrorist organization whose sole purpose is to bring an end to all peace and resurrect the Sith? Wouldn't you want to make sure they get beat to a pulp and never return, in order to preserve the so called "peace" you so crave?

  Then why, when you have the power to do all these things in, like, a few months tops, do you sit on your green other-word-for-donkey-that-starts-with-"a" all the time and "meditate"? Why do we never see you, during the Clone Wars or the nasty prequels, lay waste to the intergalactic enemy that threatens billions of lives? Why do we never see you do anything other than chillax in the Jedi Temple and spout wise, useless non-sense? Besides train a bunch of Jedi who all eventually get murdered because of your mistakes...

 

 ...what did you ever actually do?

  That's right, folks. Yoda sucks. He did nothing of importance with all his power. We never see him do anything. He just...sits there. Sat there. For, like, 900 years. And then died. Uselessly. You upheld none of your vows to keep the peace, even in the most obvious and easiest-to-handle of situations, and I'm really sorry to say (write) this, but you deserve what you got. Eternal, intangible purgatory. 

  That's all I got. That's what I understood from the famous Episode VI "ghost scene". Pretty dark, pretty deep, pretty demeaning (and full of loopholes, I'm sure. But hey, it's what I think.).

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WTForce: Curse of the Jedi - Episode I

  Welcome to yet another sub-area-thingy of Force Lightning, and probably one of my favorites: WTForce! Here, I ruthlessly dissect the Star Wars franchise and come up with my own theories, exhaust myself with rants, and basically make you question everything you thought you knew about Star Wars. But remember this, young Padawans: I do this with love. In case you couldn't tell, I LOVE STAR WARS. In my business, though, nothing is safe. My wrath is unbiased!!! 

  A few heads-ups, though:

  Firstly, everything I write in here is from the point of view of a guy who has only been exposed to the following: All six live-action films (the ChristMESS Special can burn), the entire Clone Wars animated series, both Clone Wars animated shorts, a Darth Bane book (and counting! That dude is beast!), and some general tidbits of expanded universe info. If you can't handle that, please move on. I've got some pretty deep stuff coming up next. Like, Sarlacc deep. Also, some revered icons WILL be insulted.

  Secondly...I totally forgot, but if I remember I'll edit this. My bad.

  LET'S DO THIS!!!

  *ahem*

  

  So, as you can see from the title, I've discovered that there's something a little off about the Jedi. Well, three specific Jedi, to be exact. Here's some nostalgia:

 "Ummm...not crazy anymore, he is?"

"Yeah, he does look pretty chill for someone who committed galactic genocide for half his life, doesn't he?"

  Remember dat? We wuz all like "wuuuut", and den we saw Anakin and we wuz all like "aaaaaww, he a good guy now." Nobody questioned NUTHIN'. We just blindly accepted that Anakin deserved to be a ghost, just like his old pals Masters Kenobi and Yoda do, because the "good" Anakin "died" and then he "resurfaced" when the "bad" Vaderkin actually died and then he "died" again...or something. Basically, we kinda learned something from this: Jedi turn to ghosts when they die. We assume that they then drift through the galaxy forever in eternal peace as a reward for fulfilling their ultimate mission: keeping the peace. Marvelous.

Then where. The Force. Did I go wrong?!

  Oh, yeah, sorry Mace, forgot about you for a second. Poor Mace makes an excellent point, though. Where the heck is his ghost, or any other Jedi's ghost for that matter? I mean, they were all ruthlessly murdered on a galactic scale during Order 66, so how come a butt-load of ghosts aren't just wandering around? Now, you could say that we, the audience, were only shown three ghosts and then were expected to say "yeah, we get it. Ghosts.". Or, you could say we saw those three specific ghosts in that specific scene because they had been affiliated with Luke in their past. Perhaps your loved ones appear as ghosts only to you after their deaths (if they were Jedi), which would explain why no one besides Luke saw the ghosts.

  But I prefer to think more dangerously (and besides, those are your opinions, not mine. Stop thinking so much and keep reading.).

  Let's look at the ghosts: Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Anakin. Three great Jedi Masters, known for their acts of valor, their wisdom, and their undying (heh) devotion to the Light Side of the Force and all who fall under its protection. Yet we, as the audience, never see or hear of any other Jedi Masters wandering around as immortal phantoms, even Jedi who were as great as, if not greater than, the three aforementioned. I mean, look at Mace. He was a pretty decent guy. He sniffed out the Emperor's plot and made haste to rid the galaxy of the Sith...forever. That's some pretty eternal-bliss-deserving stuff right there! So where the heck is he? We all know he's dead. He got murdered by Sidious after... oh my God. Wow. That's right, folks, widen those eyes as the realization hits you. Mace Windu did not accomplish his ultimate task as a Jedi Knight before getting thrown out a window by Darth Sidious...right after Ana-frea-kin Skywalker cut his And-frea-kin hand off!!! That's right. Anakin Skywalker, the dude who supposedly reverted to the Light Side and became a "good guy" right before his death, had previously chopped off Mace Windu's hand during Mace's attempt to rid the galaxy of evil. Anakin's sins didn't stop there, either, oh no, they kept right on rolling, too. He immediately runs off to the Jedi Temple and straight-up murders like ten Jedi-kids.

Okay, slight exaggeration, but still! Children, dude?!

  After that (as in, after he gets his whiny other-word-for-donkey-that-starts-with-"a" whupped by Obi-Wan) he leads the Empire on a galactic Jedi culling that basically Forces them, the good guys, into hiding. This dude is the definition of a villain. He betrays his friends, his beliefs, and his, y'know, wife and kids, all to...well, save his wife and kids (prequels, why?). For some reason, though, the Force (or whatever) decided that he, Anakin Skywalker, Darth Ana-frea-kin Vader, deserved eternal, ghostly peace while Mace Windu (the black guy) and every other Jedi who never did anything wrong got screwed and thrown to the metaphorical wolves.

"Metaphorical". 

  Unless...

  Okay, anyone who reads comics knows that, in the long haul, immortality sucks. It just sucks. Yo would watch everyone and everything you know just die, over and over and over again, forever. You would do the same thing forever. It would drive most people insane.

Just ask this guy.

   Plus, in this case, you're a ghost. Ghosts can't touch anything or feel anything. They can just, like, watch. FOREVER. THAT SUCKS.

  

  So let's assume, for a teensy-weensy, midi-chlorian-sized second, that immortality is seen as just that, a curse. A condemnation. A punishment. "You will wander the galaxy forever, doomed to observe the horrible seeds you've sown and the ones they will sow and the ones they will sow, as punishment for your sins." In Vaderkin's case, this actually makes since. I am also assuming that this curse only works on technical Jedi, or anyone who accepts and follows the Light Side (remember, Vaderkin "technically" switched sides before his permanent shut-eye). This would explain why we saw zero Sith ghosts. I mean, come one, there's gotta be a worse punishment for them than this. The Jedi get off easy, in the Force's definition of the word. Should a Jedi die after a life of complete, utter disappointment, failing to uphold vows and responsibilities, and destroying the lives and situations of others, on purpose, that Jedi is condemned to eternal ghostliness (which sucks, btw. This theory only holds if you believe immortality as an intangible ghost sucks).

  So, yeah, Vaderkin deserves that. Okay.

  What about Obi-Wan and Yoda?

  To that, I say...my very first "to be continued"!!!

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Lightning Pick: I'm Not Worthy AnyThor

   

   I know, I know, late reaction, whatever. The thing is, I actually wrote this as a comment on ComicVine back when this WAS fresh, but now I'm like "I have a blog, dude," so I decided to fix it up a little andpost it here as an article (is that what these are called? Or do I have to call them posts?).

  Anyway, you guys know about this, right?

"Hey, Thor, what...uh...happened to your "chest" there, buddy?"

  Let me get this clear, I'm not a Thor fan. In fact, I'm anit-Thor, the dude's lame. I know a handful o' Thor facts and stuff, though, but I just aint into him. Not enough to care about this; we've seen it before. They just want everyone to go "WHAAAAAAT" and then work from there. According to what they're saying over at Marvel, this is "Thor" now. Not Thoretta, not She-Thor, Not Ms./Mrs. Thor, and not Thorkeisha. This is THOR now. My thing here, though, isn't entirely about that, but more about Mjolnir, the hammer itself. Heads-up: this is more of an "I don't get it" thing than an explanation. I don't CARE. I just also don't get it. I care more about getting it than it, you get it?

  
  Okay, "blahblahblah worthy shall wield the power of Thor". Hmm. That's cool. I mean, I guess. But what is the power of Thor, exactly? To control lightning and thunder and fly? Okay, so you get Thor's powers? Cool. As long as you're worthy, weather you're a frog or an alien-horse guy, you'll get the power of Thor.
   
   
        
                                                    Yes, they exist. I'm not that creative.

  
  Now, the question, and I might not be phrasing this right, but bear with me. Who is Thor? I mean, he's Odin's son, right? Odin had a son, named him Thor, and I guess granted him a specific power that he can wield through his hammer. I don't know the hammer's origins, so there might be some complex backstory that i'm not aware of, but as far as I, and anyone on the street who knows who Thor is, understand is that lightning and thunder are Thor's powers. You wield the hammer, you get the power of Thor.

  
  Now here, this says Thor is no longer worthy...huh? THOR is no longer worthy to wield the power of...THOR? Like, it would be WAY different if it was "wield the power of lightning and thunder" or simply "wield the power of Mjolnir". That way it would be more like a Lantern Corps thing, you know, the worthy get the power and all that. But it says "the power of Thor". It's the dude's name on the hammer. It's HIS power. How are you not worthy of being yourself? Is "Thor" a concept all of a sudden, like the Avatar or something? You know, Aang was a male Avatar, now Korra's a female one? Do you become a "Thor"? Apparently, you become "Thor" if Odin's son Thor is no longer worthy to wield Thor's/his own specified power. I mean, how does that work?

 You HAD the touch! You HAD the powaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

  Before, if you were worthy, you got a hammer and his powers. Thor was still worthy, though. But now, since Thor himself isn't worthy, who or what decides on a new..."Thor"? Is Thor no longer Thor? Marvel's saying this chick is Thor. Are there two Thors? And even if that's how it goes (am I thinking too deeply about this?) why would this random chick become THE Thor? Why not someone who's, I dunno, ALREADY WORTHY? Beta Ray Bill, Thunderstrike (is he still alive and/or current?), they just became "hand-me-down Thors". Why is she THOR Thor? She might not be a RANDOM woman, granted, but even if she is someone known, she wasn't worthy to wield Thor's POWER until now. Why is she all of a sudden worthy to BE Thor? 

  
  How many FREAKIN' times did I write Thor?
  
  Also, he has an axe now. Meet Jarnbjorn, guys!  

I can still...call myself Thor, right? 

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Head-Scratchers: X Marks the NOT

  HEAD-SCRATCHERS

  Head-Scratchers is where I write about stuff that made me literally scratch my head in confusion (most probably scenes in movies or TV-shows). I then procede to explain why the particular event made no sense to me and try to fix it...if it can be fixed.  

  As I revisit X-Men: Days of Future Past, I realize why I was scratching my head every time something "significant" happened. I mean, we can ALL agree the whole movie was a jacked-up-continuity antidote. The director fixed literally EVERYTHING. He even fixed mistakes that he made in the movie itself, which is hilarious to me because it shows that all along the dude(s? There were different directors for each X-Men movie, right?) didn't even care since they knew, like, NOTHING mattered. "Oop, you changed TIME man! SHOOT. We can remake these mistakes now, though, which is nice."

They...never even LOOKED for my body, did they? Wow...thank goodness Kitty Pryde can control...Kitty Pryde can control time?! And I still have to wear these dumb shades? JEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAN!!!!!!

  As I was saying (off-track is what I do best. Which isn't a good thing.), head-scratchers. Gotta love 'em. They keep the balance in this world where people like to tell stories. They help you figure stuff out, fix things at the roots (the freakin' space-time continuum doesn't count), and make things clear. Whenever I watch an X-Movie, I scratch my head. They make 'em like that, I do NOT know how. Since this one involved TIME, though, and since I LIKED this movie, it feels kinda good to...well, scratch that itch off.

Event: Kitty Pryde can control time.

Scratch Timer: 0.0000000000000000001 seconds ASE (After Scene Ended).

  Imma get this one out of the way because I'm sure everyone caught this one: Kitty Pryde's "send your mind through time" powers. Y'know what? After I found out that was what they were going for, I didn't even care. X-Movies just can't help it. They can't. Something has to be thrown in there that makes less sense than Olympic Balls (I swear it's a thing. A sport. But air-hockey? Naaaaaah). According to them, you belong in a mental institution if you'd even considered casting a mutant who can control time. Heck, you'd be execution-worthy if you'd considered addressing Kitty's  new powers! We can't go that far, guys! It doesn't work!

Logic?! In MY kingdom?! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!

  I'm not even kidding. The movie didn't even address her knew powers. This is not nit-pick, by the way. As a part of the audience, don't tell me "duh she can do that". As far as I'm concerned, she can't!!! A new character, with a new back-ground and power set, can have that privilege. You can throw him in there. WE DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS.

Who was this kid? Yeah, THIS is the only pic I could find of him...you coulda used him! He was looking for Xavier's! "Hi, I'm a mutant who can control time. Let me help you!" Sorry, kid, Kitty Pryde's got that covered. "B-but I can walk through walls, too!" She can do that, too. "Really? I just made that up!" I know, right? MUTANTS, bro. Mutants.

  But Kitty Pryde? The girl who can walk through walls? Yeah, we know her. Oh, you changed her? Cool! How? When? WHY?! I'D LOVE TO KNOW! All the characters had to do was say "Your new power really comes in handy these days, Kitty. Aren't we glad you went through puberty TWICE," and be done with it! Would that have cost more? Did you not feel like it or something? Gosh, even a deleted scene woulda been nice, 'cause at least we'd know you tried!

Event: How Sentinels in the future were made/what happened in the future.

Scratch Timer: 2-3 minutes ASE.

  Okay, so the story's not so bad. I mean, we kidnapped Mystique and used her mutant shapeshifting abilities to make Sentinels that can adapt to any situation. Somehow. Then we took over the world in a buncha years. Okay. Wait. WHAT?! This is a continuity cookie, by the way, and since they snapped the time-line's spine and gave it a new one, this doesn't really count. But I still scratched my head the same. I mean, this was back in the 70s or something, right? And Mystique was FINE and with MAGNETO in X-es 1, 2, and 3 (saying 3 makes my head hurt), which is YEARS later. So either of two things must have happened. One, Boliver Trask straight up let her go, which doesn't make sense because he doesn't actually like mutants (really? huh), or two, she flat out escaped. Either way, these highly likely events lead to the same conclusion: she goes back to the Brotherhood. You expect me to believe she doesn't tell Magnus what they did to/with her the second she got back? 

"Oh, yeah, I just remembered. They, like, did some stuff with my stuff to make robots that can, like, totally kill, like, all of us. We should probably, like, do somethin' about that, huh? My bad."

  And for those of you who are saying "what if they wiped her memory?", it's not like Eric is stupid. He knows they did something, and it didn't take him decades to figure that out.   

  Basically, the X-Men's outrageous attempt to make all of that future-stuff never happen is about as useless as Olympic Balls (not letting it gooooooo) after that fact. Magneto would've gone to the factory and wrecked the crap out of everything like the boss he is, and the future would be all nice and mutant-y (yeah, how does he know where the factory is, right? Shut up, it's not impossible, okay? Geez, explain stuff to yourself for once...I'm sorry, that was mean). After I heard that explanation, I literally sat through the whole movie thinking "Dude, NONE of this is happening right now".

Event: Sentinels.

Scratch Timer: Just now (Months ASE).

  Holy crap, were the Sentinels not made of metal in the future? I mean, the whole seventies part of the movie is about Magneto using his awesome-juice (that came out wrong. That did, too) to control the Sentinels. Anyway, getting to that in a sec.

Event: Future X-Men final battle.

Scratch Timer: 1 second after Bishop says "We can't stop that many."

  They're so strong. Yes, it's a movie, there has to be development and tragedy and "messages", and yes, the fight was pretty freakin' cool (that Blink/Colossus fast-ball TOTALLY owns Wolvie's), but as a die-hard-core X-Men fan, I know the ins and outs of ALL of their powers, and I know that they are way too strong to have lost that fight. Storm ALONE could have stopped those Sentinels if she wanted to, especially grown-up future Storm who is most probably an expert at, you know, controlling weather. She makes a mini hurricane before the Sentinel drop-ships are even close to their base. If that wasn't enough, she could've gone with a lightning storm, a horde of ginormous tornadoes, pretty much any disaster you can imagine. Yet for some reason she wasted precious time supercharging an X-Jet to explode and flinging it in the middle of the enemy armada. 

  This is Storm...

                              

 

                   ...and this is you ("Uh, guys?").                                      "Adapt to this."

  And this is one mutant, out of a team of, what, five or six? All of whom were trained by "mutants-vs-robots" tactical genius Charles Xavier. These guys train in simulations of situations like this all the time. At some point, I began to notice that Blink was opening her portals EVERYWHERE. Make them run into each other, already! Or, y'know, more fast-ball specials. Those are cool. 

  And don't even get me started on Bishop. I don't know what it is with giving black people in X-Men movies incredible powers and then killing them in the dumbest possible ways, but they went too far this time. You know what, scratch that, they went too far LAST time. Remember Darwin from First Class? He had the ability to adapt to any possible situation, yet when Shaw went all "adapt to this" (the irony) and pushed a ball of kinetic energy into Darwin's mouth, he died. I mean, he straight up exploded.

Go home, powers. You're drunk.

  Don't tell me what can't happen to a character and then loophole it. That's kind of annoying. You'd think they woulda learned their lesson, but nope, they did it again. Bishop (a black guy. Weird, huh?) has the ability to absorb and release any and all forms of energy. Key word release. So when Sentinels begin to fire beams of energy at Bishop and he, I don't know, absorbs too much and explodes or something without attempting to release any of it and instead screams like a little girl and dies, immediate head-scratcher. What is it with blowing up bruthas who genetically can't blow up? 

Event: Magneto's death (did I...actually...write...those words...?).

Scratch Timer: 0.00000000000000000000000001 seconds ASE.

  what. what? What? WHAT?! He got...st-st-st-abbed by a peice...of m-m-m-FREAKIN' METAL?!?!?!?!? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE IMPOSSIBLE IMPOSSIBLE IMPOSSIBLE! YOU DON'T...KILL...THE MASTER OF MAGNETISM WITH MMMMMMMEEEEEEETTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLL!

  Okay. Whew. Okay. I'm sorry. It's just...he's the man. In fact, that didn't even kill him. I was over dramatizing. But man, did it slow him down. He was like...sitting there...hurt...by a piece of metal. 

 "What if the piece of metal was SENTINEL metal? Huh?!"

    If you said this...oh my GOD if you said this...close the window. Colse. The window. Don't read my blog ever again. Don't think about my blog ever again. Don't think. You need to go home, wash your mouth out with soap, cry yourself to sleep, and disappear from the face of the Earth. Seriously. Why are you still reading my inuslts? GET. LOST.

  For those of you with BRAINS, I don't even have to tell you that he was stopping shrapnel from the X-Jet/Bad-Guy-Fleet explosion with his powers, which means either he can control Sentinel metal (and if so, why isn't he on the front lines?) or he can't. If the latter is the case, this means ONE piece of  Sentinel "metal" slapped air resistance in the face, flew, from meters away, without hitting a single piece of normal metal, and planted itself in his chest. You know what else this concludes, though? Even if there is "Sentinel metal" that he can't control, he was controlling something. Something like the pieces of metal that belonged to the Sentinel drop-ships.

  (The following words are being typed by a clone, whom sits quietly in the corner and is pre-programmed to have no opinions on the matter at hand. In the event that the original author writes something that causes him to rage on unfathomable levels, this clone will step in and finish the blog post based on a pre-written conclusion created for exactly this matter.). 

  Basically, Magneto could've stopped those drop-ships before they even rounded the corner, whether he can manipulate Sentinels or not. Conclusively, the X-Men did not lose this fight.

  The movie was very cool, though. I just had to get that out of my system.

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Lightning Pick: Titans GO (Hollywood?)

  First off, Lightning Pick is where I write about things off the top of my mind. See, I created this blog because my voice wasn't being heard. I can go on for HOURS about stuff, and when I'm done I'm always like, "Man, that wasn't on record! People other than my neighbors (who don't agree) and my family (who don't agree or care) need to hear this!". Lightning Pick is where I put those juicy words on record. And now, it's time to begin...

Yes, Father. I shall become a Blogger...

  Second, don't be fooled. The Teen Titans are not GOing Hollywood...but hopefully there's a "yet" in there. They need to be GOing Hollywood, and here, at Lightning Pick's debut, I'm gonna explain why (ironically, around the time I started this post, I'd just finished saying all this upcoming stuff to my Dad, who was sick on the couch. The important thing here is a set of ears, my friends, and a headache doesn't take that away!).

  My main point here is that I (and I'm sure many other fans) want a DC film featuring more than Batman or Superman. Now, logically, DC would lean towards the Justice League, seeing as how they're a team of superheroes featuring, but not limited to, Batman and Superman. But you know what? In my opinion, that's the wrong direction to be taking. I mean, yeah, you can kinda see this plan as a logical answer to Marvel's The Avengers, but really, do we want to see a buncha characters (Bats, Supes, and WW, and apparently Aquaman) who we've grown tired of get thrown into a whole new world in one movie with zero adequate build-up? If DC is trying to work the Marvel formula, they have all the build-up they need...for the Teen Titans!

When there's trouble, you know who to caaaaaaaall...

  Here's why it would work. See, Marvel appealed to audiences by releasing awesome solo movies featuring okay enough superheroes for years, and then was like "YO, wouldn't it be SO PHAT if there was a movie with ALL OF THEM IN IT?! HUH?!", and it worked. There was hype, flavor, teasing, build-up. Now, everyone expects DC to answer with the same tactic. Batman reboot movie. Superman reboot movie. Green Lantern. Wonder Woman. The Flash. Aquaman. JUSTICE LEAGUE! And I admit, that would work, and it would work great, but DC is underestimating the hype and build-up they already have (and they're not doing that movie-ingredients thing, anyway). See, Marvel appealed with the amount of movies they made that introduced their characters. DC can appeal simply with characters. Like the TITANS.

Okay, maybe not ALL of them, but hey.

  The Titans were huge back in the day. The show had the perfect blend of humor, action, story, and characters that anyone could want in a cartoon. Kids and Teens (see what I did there?!) fell in love with Beast Boy, Raven, Robin, Cyborg, and, you know, that last annoying one...

When it starts goin' down, she's pretty cool, but even as a kid I couldn't stand the whole "I speak grammatically correctly because I am not from Earth and do not know this 'slang' you speak of" crap. Or maybe it was her voice. I mean, Martian Manhunter did that in JL, and he sounded AWESOME.

  ...and they still love 'em! Unfortunately, Teen Titans GO! (mentioning this show hurts my soul) isn't a nostalgic reawakening for the fans who grew up with the franchise. It's just a humor driven cartoon that follows a formula CN is using on this "next generation". But it's not like it isn't famous! Kids love the show. And now, you have guys like me who grew up with the show, guys who were my age when I was younger who appreciated the show, the handful of adults who thought it had promise, AND kids who are enjoying the characters and what they bring to the table today! SO MUCH AUDIENCE POTENTIAL. And if you think appealing to fans with characters won't draw in HUGE numbers of would-be-viewers, I have two things to say to you: TMNT and GOTG. These movies BLEW UP in the box office. They beat How to Train your Dragon 2 (that movie was amazing)!!! But with TMNT, they used appeal (I really hope I'm using that word right). There are TMNT fans from the 80s, 2003, and even 2014 with the new show! Who didn't want to see that (any sane person who saw the trailer, that's who)? And in my opinion, the only reason so many people decided to go see GOTG the first time is because nobody knew who they were (I knew who they were, and yet still meh.). I mean, you have a talking raccoon, voiced by Bradley Cooper, who's best friend is a talking tree guy, voiced by VIN FREAKIN' DIESEL. Who didn't want to go see that?! 

  So why not use the Teen Titans' characters to draw in fans? The next question is how. 

  Simple. As I've explained, I believe DC has all the build-up it needs already. You've rebooted Superman perfectly. He's out in the world, responsible for so much destruction and chaos in the name of justice, and just doomed his entire species (Man of Steel). He's off the chain. Also, you've given Batman his agenda. If DC is trying to tie in the Dark Knight Trilogy, you can start off where you left off: Batman is retired, presumed dead, but is now hearing about superhumans. A man who can fly, punch through steel, and shoot lasers out of his eyes just wrecked Metropolis, and that peaks his interest. 

But baby, you said you'd quit all that superhero stuff! YOU SAID WE'D BE TOGETHER FOREVER!!!

I feel you, sister...

  So what is Bruce to do? ROBIN. He's already chosen a protege. That cop guy form Rises could be Robin, carrying on Batman's legacy. Recast him if necessary, or heck, make him Nightwing. His age fits better as Nightwing, and Nightwing was with the Titans for a while in the comics. As long as you have the Bat-influence, it's all good. It could work. Retired Bruce gets in touch with Robin/Nightwing and goes "Listen up. Superhumans. They're out there. I'll deal with this Superman guy (if you still want your Dawn of Justice, there it is). You find the others. The young bucks, the ones that might cause trouble. Get 'em under control. Don't let 'em jack up Gotham. You can do this."

                                                      Challenge accepted.

  And now you have a story. Robin/Nightwing is living up to DKR Batman by going the ultimate distance to round up any young superhumans he can find and make sure they keep it together. Script writers can work from there, I'm sure. Get your conflict, your main villain, whatever. Throw Deathstroke in there, maybe have him hired by whoever to round up young metahumans too, make him run into Robin/Nightwing on multiple accounts. You can work your origin stories in there easily, because most people who don't read the comics don't have a clue as to what made the Titans who and what they are. You can even pull another branch from the Avengers formula and make 'em not get along at all with each other, preferably Cyborg or Starfire (remember, she's not from Earth). Save the Raven/Trigon stuff for a sequel or somethin'.

Teen Titans: Age of Trigon (see what I did THERE?!)

  And so there you have it! You have plenty of fans, a huge audience is certain, your build-up is secure enough at this point, and with some good action sequences, a fair dose of humor and darkness, and a easy-to-follow-and-accept story, you've got yourself a new franchise AND you've revived cinematic fame! IT COULD TOTALLY WORK!!!

TITANS, GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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